It has been so far a rough year for me.
I decided to quit the musicial CATS because it turns out that it is not going out the way I thought it would be. I mean, Victoria is supposed to be the ONLY "pure white cat"; she does not wear black legwarmers.
Last Tuesday, at the All Saints Church, I was supposed to be the only white cat to touch Grizabella and escort her to Old Deuteronomy, but suddenly, Deborah (our choreographer) is the one who escorts her to Old Deuteronomy. I got frustrated and suspicious about this. In my mind, I thought since when there were TWO white cats in this musical? I thought I would be the only white cat, which I was REALLY looking forward to. Even though Victoria does not speak and have a solo, she dances. I'm just a mediocre dancer (I cannot do cartwheels, somersaults, and splits). If I can't be Victoria, then pick a professional ballerina to do the job, for Christ's sake! They took my one good chance of being so proud and happy and pissed them away. You have NO idea how much anger and hatred I have towards those people.
Even though I am proud of the older actors doing their amazing performance, such as Kelly, Laura, Chelsea, ect, I don't like Tyler (our vocal director) or whoever is in charge of picking the actors, choosing the kids from high school such as Trent (Quaxo) and that stubby dwarf Abbie (Jemima) (I personally don't like them). That tall, scrawny bastard, Trent, has been the leading role in two plays, and Abbie sings like Jodi Benson who voice cast Ariel and Thumbelina. It's as though they are the favorite of Tyler or whatever.
Why not give outcasts a chance to take a turn. I've been in five plays, and tried so hard to get a at least a supporting role. I would SELL MY SOUL to be one of the best.
It seem like a waste of time for me to participate. I couldn't help but terribly vexed and deceived. I've had enough. I've been singing once in a while, not every day like I usually do. I think I've lost my singing voice due to my depression and low self-esteem.
Last Tuesday, I went to Arlene's Flowers and Gifts to see if there is an internship. I gave the manager my phone number. For days, I've waited for her to call me back. Well, what a surprise.